Thorns
by Nate Blodau
Summary: "Tell me about what happened that night." (Rape tw, particularly male-on-male rape tw. Discretion strongly advised. Written for the Ailuronymy Writing Challenge.)


The following contains material triggering for rape survivors, particularly survivors of male-on-male rape. Reader discretion is advised.

* * *

"Why don't you tell me about that night?"

It was just them, just those two, lying on the open moors of WindClan, with no one but the stars to see. Two warriors that were once mentor and apprentice lying side by side, bellies exposed to the stars. The smaller of the two was the one who spoke, making the big one recoil.

"Crowcloud," the little one said, touching her paw to his shoulder. "Little Crowcloud, tell me what happened that night."

"There's nothing to talk about, Pearnose," he grumbled. "Nothing happened. It was seasons ago."

"It wasn't nothing," Pearnose persisted, her white pelt gleaming slight silver in the moonlight. "Talk to me. Just because you're a warrior now doesn't mean our bond's been broken."

Crowcloud grimaced. "Why do you care so much anyway? You're the only one who doesn't see me as a giant, useless oaf and I don't get why."

"Because you're not useless. If you were, you'd have been kicked out. I want you to see your worth."

But the phrase was enough to make Crowcloud's pupils dilate even wider than they were already in the dark. "Don't say that again. Don't ever say that again, please."

"Crowcloud, wh-"

"Don't come near m!" he screeched, spinning around and scrambling to his feet. His black fur stood completely on end and his tail was fluffed up in a flag of alarm. "Stay away from me! You can't hurt me again!" And before Pearnose could say anything more, he bolted. Not toward camp, but toward Fourtrees. Pearnose got up to follow him, but she did not run. She knew that would only startle him more, and her tracking skills assured her she would be able to keep up with the path his scent left behind.

One thing was certain now: She needed to know what had happened that night.

* * *

Moons ago, when Crowcloud was still Crowpaw, Pearnose had been ill in the medicine cat's den. A mere case of whitecough and nothing more, but elders and kits were sick, and so warriors were encouraged to get treatment the moment they felt ill. To ensure that Crowpaw would not fall behind, Pearnose had assigned her brother, Frostface, to train him while she was in Mintleaf's den. She trusted her littermate, even if he could be a little selfish and aloof at times, and Crowpaw wasn't a slow learner, so she had thought the match would be perfect.

But one night, while the Clan was asleep, she heard a soft scratching at the medicine cat den's opening. "Mintleaf?" a little voice called, hoarse and weak.

The gray tabby, who had been sorting herbs, met the newcomer. "What is it – Oh. Oh, my. Come inside, quickly now."

Pearnose was sleeping in a small nest towards the back of the den, away from the very sick cats, but she caught a quick glimpse of black fur. Crowpaw? What was he doing here? He should be asleep! And why did he smell of blood?

"Come now, come, sweet child," Mintleaf cooed at him. "What happened to you, dear boy?"

"N-nothing happened. I-I was out on patrol and I fell and hurt myself really bad on some thorns, that's all. It was stupid. I'm stupid."

"Shh, shh, hush, don't beat yourself up," the medicine cat purred. "Can you sit down?"

What kind of question was that?

"N-not really," Crowpaw replied. "I-it hurts a lot."

"That's fine, then come here on this nest and lay on your side. You shouldn't do apprentice duties for about a quarter-moon with your hindquarters like that."

"A quarter-moon?" Crowpaw wailed. "But I'll fall behind in my training! I'm not fast or agile or strong or good at hunting like everyone else! I'll just be Crowlump, the useless sack of WindClan scum."

"What's gotten into you?" Mintleaf replied. "You're not useless, dear boy." The strong smell of herbs filled the air now, and Crowpaw winced. Mintleaf must have been applying a poultice. "You're smart, cautious, resourceful, and a good communicator. You're loyal to your Clan and love your Clanmates. That is what it means to be a true warrior, sweet boy."

Pearnose finally couldn't take it anymore, and she rose to her feet and walked towards the opening of the den. "Crowpaw, what's happen- Oh!"

Crowpaw's entire rear end, from the base of his tail to the ends of his thighs, was covered in crusty, brown blood. Mintleaf was applying a strong-smelling potion to the wounds to clean them, and Crowpaw's face filled with shame when he saw his mentor looking at him.

"I just fell on some thorns like an idiot, Pearnose," he sputtered. "Please don't be mad. I promise I won't be so stupid ever again."

He clearly didn't fall in some thorns. If he had, he'd have at least a few sticking out of his pelt. The look on Mintleaf's face told Pearnose that they didn't buy it either, but neither of them were saying anything. Mintleaf turned away and resumed their duties, while Pearnose looked at Crowpaw's face. She wouldn't pressure him into talking now, but another time, she would find out the truth.

"Everyone falls sometimes," Pearnose said, walking over to her apprentice and letting her tail drape over his shoulders to comfort him. He flinched at the touch at first, but then seemed to settle. "Even my father, Haretail, who was the best climber and jumper in the whole clan, once fell from a rock and nearly broke his skull open. If he didn't have Mintleaf around, he'd have died."

Crowpaw grumbled sadly. "I guess."

"Don't worry so much," Pearnose said. "You're a good apprentice and I'm not going anywhere."

Crowpaw looked up with his big orange eyes. "Will you be my friend even after I'm a warrior?"

"Of course I will," she purred. "As long as you'll be mine."

Crowpaw nodded. He then looked at Mintleaf. "Mintleaf, may I please have a poppy seed to go to sleep? I'm really tired but it hurts a lot." Pearnose couldn't help but swell with pride. He was always so considerate, and so naturally formal and polite with his Clanmates. He was a good little cat.

Mintleaf purred, cleaning the last of the potion from their teeth. "Of course you may," they said. "Now, I want you to try to keep your tail extra still tonight, can you do that for me? It might brush away some of the potion, and we don't want that because your wound might get infected."

One wound, not many, which was another indication that it wasn't thorns at all.

"I'll try my best," Crowpaw said.

"Good little boy. Chew on this and count bunnies. You'll be asleep by nine."

* * *

It didn't take her long to find him, even with the pounding of the waterfall bombarding her ears. He had wandered into RiverClan territory, and was hiding behind a cave inside the waterfall. He must have come here often, because his smell was both old and new here.

"Crowcloud?" she called out to him, and there he was, just behind the powerful current of water. He was so close she was afraid the river might rip his nose off.

"It's amazing, isn't it?" he asked her. "All that water coming down, more powerful than any living creature. And it's the same water that rains from the sky and freezes in winter." He paused for a few moments, then flicked his ears and turned to face her as he spoke. "Why is it that some things look harmless, but turn out to be terrifying?"

Pearnose settled beside him, brushing their pelts together. "I don't know."

"Neither do I."

They were quiet, watching the water fall, before Crowcloud spoke again. "I... I never fell on thorns," he said. "I lied."

"I know," Pearnose replied, marking his neck with her cheek.

"It... it was Frostface," he wheezed, digging his claws into the rock and making an awful scratching noise. "He took me out for night hunting, and... and then he got this weird look on his face He kept getting on top of me, trying to... to 'perfect my crouch.' I kept telling him I didn't need him to do that, that I knew perfectly well how to crouch. But he just wouldn't stop.

"And then he... he started telling me that he loved me and wanted to be with me, and he wished I was a she-cat, and surely I must have loved him back. And I told him no, but he just said I was only saying that because I didn't like myself, and he would... 'prove my worth' to me. And then he made me crouch again and held me down and he..." He couldn't finish. "It hurt. All I remember is that it hurt so much, and when it was over I just ran away, and that hurt, and, and I felt so dirty and ashamed and I wanted to hide forever." He held his ears flat against his head, turning his face away. "You must be so disappointed in me."

"No, never." Cold anger filled Pearnose, but it wasn't directed at Crowcloud. "Frostface is the one I am angry with. He hurt you in a way that no cat should ever harm another. He will be punished."

"But he's your brother. You must be angry with me for telling you he did something like this."

"Never, Crowcloud. I'm furious with him for doing this to you. He will be punished."

"What if Rabbitstar doesn't do anything?" he croaked. "What if he just says I was weak and should have fought him off like a warrior?"

"Then I'll punish Frostface myself," Pearnose said loudly. "He won't get away with it, Crowcloud. I'll make sure he never hurts you or anyone else ever again."

"So, you're not... you're not ashamed of me?"

"Crowcloud," Pearnose said. "You were my apprentice, and you are my friend. There is very little you could do to turn my heart against you. And I will not punish you when you did nothing wrong."

Crowcloud looked so small, and he laid down at Pearnose's feet. "Please just stay with me a while, Pearnose," he whimpered. "I don't want to be all alone right now."

"Won't we get caught on RiverClan territory though?"

Crowcloud flicked his ears nervously. "I have a friend in RiverClan, Dapplestripe. She promised me no one comes behind the waterfall, and that I can stay here as long as I want when I need to clear my head as long as I take no prey."

Pearnose laid down, not asking who this Dapplestripe was or how close they were. She rested her chin on top of his head, and Crowcloud nuzzled her chest like a small kit. Even though he was a large cat, he seemed to shrink before every cat he met. "I am so proud of you," she told him. "I've watched you grow from a shy, timid kit into an honest and good warrior."

"I'm still timid," he told her.

"But you do things that scare you because you know they have to be done. That makes you one of the bravest cats in the Clan, in my eyes. And that you have been through horrors most cats can't even dream of and still have the courage to love your Clan – that is even braver."

She could feel a small grin tugging at the corners of his lips in her fur. "I guess you might be right."

"Of course I'm right. I'm your mentor, I'm always right." She purred with laughter.

Crowcloud purred back, a gentle noise that paled in comparison to the roar of the river. "Thank you for being my friend, Pearnose. StarClan bless you."

Pearnose touched her nose to his head. "And you, little Crowcloud."


End file.
